Simple things to know if you care to have better sex.
Nothing if you do not care about sex.
THE TIMES OF INDIA
Enough has been said about what women and men want when it comes to sex but how about what they ‘do not want’?
Yes, not most couples would know that their little ‘unintentional’ acts can prove to be really big turn-off for their partners.
Those cosy moments that are meant to bring ultimate joy and pleasure in bed can go drastically wrong before you even realise what’s happening.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM ACTUALLY?
Picture this: Your lover is caressing you all over, trying to build up the heat and suddenly you decide to ask: How was your day at work? Or your lover is trying best to control himself to ensure that you are equally satisfied and you abruptly remind him of the protection pill that you forgot. What a turn-off indeed!
Wait! It’s not only women who tend to irk their men by these unwanted gestures. Men are equally responsible for dampening things in the bedroom by their little acts – such as going off to sleep immediately after the act or not bothering with foreplay at all, leaving her to work on that herself.
Dr. Sanjay Chugh opines, “Any sexual act holds a certain meaning and has its own significance for the partners. When we are deeply involved in any kind of work, interruptions are always seen as irritating, annoying and frustrating and it’s no different when it comes to making love. Refusals could very easily be interpreted as rejections, which can directly hit the person’s self – esteem, and unfortunately pave the way for him/her to feel inadequate and unwanted.”
Agrees Rita Gangwani, image enhancer and personality architect, “Sometimes you can put off your partner without even realising where you went wrong. It could be a physical, mental or an emotional reason. They can include: Fear of pregnancy and constant reminders of it during lovemaking, pretending to have a headache, blatantly pointing out on some body flaw, avoiding sex by putting it on having a tiring day at work, insisting on conditions of keeping the light off or not stripping completely, and so on.”
And if this is not enough, there are several other turn-offs that include hygiene issues, acts and positions in bed, thoughts that rule your mind during sex …the list is endless.
Model cum actor Suchitra Pillai feels, “Couples today tend to get involved in their own lives so much so that they forget what the other partner wants. Specially while having sex, they can’t just talk about their tiredness and hectic day. You have to take out quality time to enjoy without interruptions.”
Model Ramneek Pantal shares, “Problems are there in everyone’s life but ‘happy mood’ is not the right time to discuss. I make sure that I clear everything with my husband before we sleep. Otherwise I don’t let him sleep, because, it ultimately affects our sex life too, as you can’t talk clearly and openly about sex when you’re having problems.”
THE WAY OUT
Now that you’ve got the point about what not to do to turn off your partner in bed, how do you go about it?
Rita recommends, “Expand your sexual horizons and learn new ways to turn each other on. Some ideas may seem like basic romance but let’s be honest and ask when was the last time you actually practised them? The only way for this to work is to put the ideas into practice.”
Dr. Chugh suggests, “Understand that love making is a very intimate act where people connect with each other physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually. Respect each others needs, wants and desires and mutual satisfaction at every level is important to keep the fire burning! Try to understand what your partner enjoys, what is exciting for him, what stimulates him and toying with certain new ideas and concepts would help the couple look forward to those love-making sessions.”
THE TIMES OF INDIA
Dr. Ashok Koparday
MBBS, FC SEPI
Center for Therapy, Education, Research in
Sex, Marriage, Relationships
Ex. Teaching Faculty
Seth G. S. Medical College and K. E. M. Hospital and
Grant Medical College and Sir J. J. Group of Hospitals
University of Mumbai, India
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