• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • Life is sexually transmitted.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him
  • a sandwich.
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet
  • and they won’t bother you for weeks.
  • Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for anything, but you still can’t
  • help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs…
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut
  • saves you thirty cents?

Thanks to lotsofjokes


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