The discussion below applies to majority of Asian Indian women who are already married. We are not considering the rare, often hypothetical, exceptions.
The discrepancy between man’s sexual expectations [requirements, demands] and women’s ability to reciprocate will diminish gradually as premarital/extramarital sex rises, and love marriages increase. This is expected by 2015.
The young college going girls as well as women who spend considerable time working outside home, especially the girls who have grown up in the absence of both parents who were going to work, will be sex savvy. The generation NEXT experience and explore various methods of giving and getting pleasure before marriage.
In most couples even those who are compatible in all ways, wives fall short vis a vis expectations of their husbands.
REASONSfor apparent low libido in women
You want to marry a GOOD girl.
A good girl is one who does not touch ‘there’, does not talk about ‘those’ things.
Even if a 9 year old [IV th standard] girl innocuously sits so that her undergarments are seen, the elder family member who notices is bound to chastise her through harsh stare, or words, or thrashings, conveying that “Girls do not sit this way”.
Like imprints on wet cement these impressions stay in the child’s subconscious mind to later cause difficulty in desire, arousal, orgasm and may even cause pain. The adult conscious brain knows that having married she is expected to have sex, but the misconceptions have serious damaging effects to the sexual being in the woman.
Sex is a taboo, she being a GOOD girl.
However, when the priest chooses an auspicious day and time for her wedding overnight she is expected to be graduate in sexual awareness. How ridiculous? A girl who has not stood nude in the privacy of her own room before a mirror in her 25 years of life is expected to sleep with a guy who will be doing sex. Scary, more so in arranged marriages or arranged + love marriages.
Bollywood movies constitute single most source of knowledge of romance and sex. As long as the movie hero, Salman Khan, Sharookh Khan, or Hrithik Roshan woos the girl and wins her against all odds when both sing and share sweet dreams the emotions are arousing and the romance cherished.
The cruel villain figures in ‘rape scenes’. This stigmatizes ‘physical sex’ as akin to a greedy animal pouncing on her flesh.
In the early days of sex – HONEY MOON – and even after honey moon, involuntary closure of vaginal passage due to fear of pain and bleeding causes painful sex. Unfortunately due to this [SEX = PAIN] sex gets equated with pain and this gets registered to stay in her mind all her life.
Honeymoon cystitis [Actually it is urethritis] is one more curse that leads to the wrong belief that sex is unsavory [I wonder how people enjoy sex, is the common refrain].
Meeting up to the expectations of all M -in law, F -in law, S -in law, B -in law is demanding and drains energy.
Her name is changed, her home, people around, the life style all change.
If she too is working than it is difficult to squeeze time for ‘romance’ that she thirsts for. Physical Sex is imposed when a Indian wife gives in just because she has been told not to say “No” to her husband.
|TIPS TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE|
Many a times her sexual feelings are stirred depending upon her menstrual cycle. These occasions are few.
His knowledge and expectation stems entirely from heavy diet of blue films. Fellatio, blowjob, is his sex dream, which can be repulsive to a woman (or man). 1 blowjob problems 2 cock sucking pleasures 3 prevalence oral sex 4 blow job sociocultural aspects
Both the boy (man) and the girl (woman) have not received correct knowledge about sex at the correct time from the correct source. Hence, it could be said without exaggeration that most psycho-sexual problems seen by us in medical practice are solely due to dysfunctional socio cultural upbringing, wherein correct knowledge either of sex or relationship skills are not given. The absence of authentic, scientifically correct, information is rich soil (as bad as shit) where misconceptions (wiggling worms in head that cause premarital distress) breed.
Indeed getting authoritative knowledge is major difficulty even for a woman who genuinely wants to find ways to experience the richness of sexual pleasure; pleasure that is her birthright, is God given, nourishing to the body, mind and soul.
“Doc, we are a nuclear family. We have servant for cooking, for taking care of children, and for cleaning. We have all the modern amenities like washing machine, refrigerator. We both enjoyed love making before marriage, but now after the second child she is cold. There is no reason for her to be tired, yet she says she is tired and almost always she has headaches or body aches. She shouts at children. Why is she frigid?”
The symptoms are indicative of depression. If they are persisting for long, interfering with other activities also, besides sex, it does call for a visit to psychiatrist. Good medicines are available today. Proper medications and counseling brings dramatic improvement in the person’s being. Please check the HEALTHMETER©
All being well it is possible that wife has lesser need in frequency and variation in sexual activity compared to husband. It is not an illness unless proved to be so. See this post.
The statistics 82% men and 7.8% women as level of sexual comparative sexual compatibility needs application of validated research study methods to be taken as confirmatory. It can be taken as indicative of need for lesser frequency as well as lesser know how and desire in women compared to more desired frequency as well more know how and desire for variation in mutual sexual activity between married couples in India.
On Fast Track
Dr. Ashok Koparday
Dr. Ashok Koparday has been practicing as
Consultant in Sexual Medicine and
Family Life Counselor
in Mumbai, India for over 15 years.
He is the
Center for Therapy, Education, Research in
Sex, Marriage, Relationships
Ex. Teaching Faculty
Seth G. S. Medical College and K. E. M. Hospital and
Grant Medical College and Sir J. J. Group of Hospitals
University of Mumbai, India